Comic Advertising from Heaven: Church Marquees

I served a mission for the Mormon church a few years ago in North Carolina. North Carolina is part of the bible belt country. I met so many kind people with lots of faith. While walking the streets, I saw hundreds of different churches, some with very comical marquees.

"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case!"

"Spiritual Food Served Here.

If you want delivery, wait for Jehovah's Witnesses."

"Life Guard On Duty... Ours walks on water."

"Jesus is the reason for the season. Don't X Him out."

"Keep using my name in vain & I'll make rush hour longer."

Here are some others I wrote down when I lived in North Carolina as a Mormon missionary (Although I agree with some of these statements, the ideas expressed in these church marquees are not mine):

"Man's Way - Hopeless End,

God's Way - Endless Hope"

"Homosexuality - A sin that God hates"

"Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in Hell."

"Forget Crack - Let Jesus be your Rock."

"2004 will be no more,

2005, let's come alive."

"Come Thirsty. Drink Living Water."

"Mission: Possible, through obedience."

"Plug into the church."

"Basic

Information

Before

Leaving

Earth" 

(First letters of each word spells 'BIBLE')

"Love is the language everyone understands."

"If Jesus is your copilot, swap seats."

"Wal-Mart is not the only Saving place."

"Exercise in 2005, Walk with Jesus."

"Be still and know that he is God."

"Each of us matters to God."

"We alter Garments - God alters lives." 

(From a Dry Cleaner)

"'Don't make me come down there.'

-God"

"Don't have a Valentine?

Give your heart to Jesus."

"Turn around and bring others with you."

"Loving spouse saying, 'I Love You' with a megaphone."

"Church shopping? We are open Sunday."

"Love: It not only gives, it forgives."

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

"Faith is a journey, not a destination."

(From a gas station)

"Live well, laugh often, love much."

"1 church, 1 vision, 1 way."

"Loving enemy saying 'I Love You' with Fire."

"Lint gets in the pocket, Lent gets in the soul."

(From a laundromat)

"Heaven is just a prayer away."

"7 days without prayer makes 1 weak."

"The emptiest person is full of themselves."

"You can't send the gospel to the wrong place."

Joe's Branch Free Will Baptist Church, "Welcome"

Church in a backwoods small town.

"Earth has no sorrow heaven can't heal."

"Live today as if you were standing before God tomorrow."

"God's love endures forever."

"Is your bible a weapon or an accessory?"

"Christ can resurrect your life too."

"Our spirit fails us if God's spirit doesn't fill us."

"It's never too late to prepare for eternity."

"There will be 'showers' of blessings."

(It was April--playing off the April showers phrase)

"ASAP:

Always Say A Prayer."

(Gas station marquee)

"God answers knee prayers."

"'Crucify Him, Crucify Him,' they cried.

'Forgive them,' he prayed."

"One person can make a difference. Jesus did."

"Fast from complaining. Feast on turning to God."

"Nails didn't keep Jesus on the cross. Love held Him there."

"The tomb of Jesus is empty. No Body there."

"Too busy for God is too busy."

"He is risen."

"God's grace is sufficient."

"Dusty Bibles leads to dirty lives."

"God answers knee-mail."

"One birthday isn't enough.

Be born again."

"Faith takes God at His word."

"Love will lift you up.

Sin will bring you down."

"I pray only on days that end with 'Y'"

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

"We can do all things through Christ Jesus."

"In God we trust."

"God is."

"Plan your life. Invest in God."

"If you haven't been saved, you're toast."

"A Jedi is no match for Jesus."

"Aren't you glad your mother was pro-life?"

"Give Satan an inch and he'll become a ruler."

"Rejoice. Christ Lives."

"The best way to save face is to close the lower half."

"Easter is not a time to dye for."

"Weather Prediction: Reign Forever."

"Love not time heals all wounds."

"Put your fears to rest.

Put your faith in Jesus."

"Salvation is free; But only if you ask for it."

"Heaven:

No pain, All gain."

"'That Love thy neighbor thing? I meant it.'

-God"

"Prayer doesn't need proof, it needs practice."

"The power of Satan is no match for the power of Jesus."

"God can heal a broken heart, but he must have all the pieces."

"Your faith, or lack of, is your fate."

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

"A Christian has a reason for hope and a hope for his reason."

"In spite of inflation, 'the wages of sin' remain unchanged."

"Friends don't let friends go to hell."

"Big band theory: God said 'band' and it was done."

"Big bang theory: 'Are you Serious?'

-God"

"It's hard to stumble and fall when you're on your knees."

"This church is prayer-conditioned."

"Good without God leaves you a '0'"

"Jesus. Don't leave earth without him."

"Life is fragile.

Handle with prayer."

"Sin has no measure, color, or size."

"1 cross,

3 nails,

4-given."

"Got God? 

Most important part of daily diet."

"Download your worries.

Go on line with God."

"Everyone needs a home.

Make this one yours."

"Keep the Faith, but not to yourself."

"No God, No Peace.

Know God, Know Peace."

"To find your way, follow Jesus."

"God loves a cheerful giver."

"'I am also making a list and checking it twice.' -God."

(During Christmas)

"I set before you life and death, blessings and cursings. Choose life."

Jesus is the reason for the season."

"Is prayer first response or last resort?"

"If you pause to think, you'll have cause to thank."

(During Thanksgiving)

"'Damn' is not God's last name."

"God is good. God is great. 24/7"

"God wants full custody - Not weekend visits."

"Every sinner must be pardoned or punished."

"Obey what the bible says, not what men say the bible says."

"Christ died to save us.

He now lives to keep us."

"Free trip to Heaven.

Details inside."

"God blesses those who are willing to listen."

"God's grace is greater than your greatest sin."

"Victory in Jesus - Our Savior forever."

"God has a big Eraser. People don't."

"Take God seriously. Lukewarm fails."

"Jesus:

Coming Soon."

"Honor thy mother. Honor thy God."

"Love your enemies. It will confuse them."

"Faith in Christ is the believers passport to Heaven."

"On the other side of fear is freedom."

"God's Amnesty Program - Salvation in Christ."

"We are called to be witnesses, not judges."

"You have a second chance to put God first."

"Got Jesus?"

"If your knees are knocking, kneel on them."

"The password to eternity is 'Jesus'"

"Fear cowers,

Faith empowers."

"This is a ch ch.

What is missing?

U R"

"In tough times, God teaches us to trust."

"The da Vinci code:

This too shall pass. The bible is forever."

"Practice makes perfect.

Be careful what you practice."

"The great commission:

Not just a commandment but a lifestyle."

"Only those who dare to fail can achieve."

"Freedom is costly.

Salvation is free."

"True freedom is found in serving Christ."

"A bible that is falling apart belongs to a person who is not."

"Creation by God.

Evolution by Ape."

"If you don't believe in God, you better be right."

"Warning: Exposure to Son may prevent burning."

"Try Jesus.

If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back."

"When life needs rebooting, remember,

Jesus saves."

"Let your children see Jesus in you."

"Keep going for God.

To stay youthful, stay useful."

"The bread of life never gets stale."

"Let Jesus take the wheel."

"Trust in the Lord. 

It's in the storm that the ship is tested."

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."

Feel free to comment. I'll add any other marquee phrases you leave in the comments.